Jasper's Journey
by JaMeSgRiFfItHs101
Summary: Jasper reflects on his terrifying past. He remembers his decision to join Alice and he does not have regrets. Can his interesting past help the Cullens deal with their current battle?
1. Chapter 1

**Me: Yes, I haven't posted anything in so long! My "Alice" who wrote in the other story is actually the creator (AAAHHH CREATORS! LIKE MARIA!) of this story. But I stole it...MWAHAHAH... Actually she asked me to let you read it. Give me comments and I will send them (not forward because I hate forwards!) onto her! Enjoy!**

Red. That's the only way I can describe my beginning in this never ending world. Red with the blood spilt by my creator in previous centuries, red with the blood being spilt around me as I woke, and red with blood that I myself would extract from the helpless bodies of fragile humans as they begged and pleaded their god for forgiveness. I had no such god. I was damned from the moment my reclaimed soul entered Maria's domain. I knew no other way of life, and I believed myself a monster. If that was what God had chosen for me, to be distanced and never know of him, then he had succeeded. I wanted nothing to do with him. I was born amongst constant warfare, constant enemies, constant senselessness in the face of oblivion.

I thrived on the confusion, the helplessness...the fighting. It showed me that I was stronger than them, that they were weak. I fought my way through the ranks of her coven just as I would have ascended the ranks in the Confederate army I had formerly served. I proved that I was worthy of her attention, worthy of her praise. I proved that I could outsmart even the strongest army, that I could find the easiest way to achieve our timeless goal of domination. The south was filled with fear, but not as filled with fear as it was of blood.

I prized myself on my instincts, on my ability. She knew that I was different. That I was willing. I bent to fit her every need, even as she became more and more ruthless, I remained loyal. I could sense her emotion, I knew when she was most dangerous, when she was most lax with her security...even when her bloodlust became stronger or weaker. That was my one advantage, and ultimately, the one thing that saved me from complete self-destruction when the depression came.

The battles were never ending, the lives spared - none. I took that for granted. The less humans to question our less than humane existence, the better. I liked being a creature that lived in silence, always there, never noticed. They were so oblivious to their surroundings. That puzzled me. I had never encountered any other being that would distance themselves from the supernatural and obscene so willingly. They had no true sense of terror, and I reveled in the fact that i could instill some of that fear into them before they died. To complete their pathetically boring, barely livable existence.

In time, however, everything changed, just as all things do in the face of danger. Maria was still recruiting. I remained with her, though my inner sense was telling me to leave. That was one of the first terrible choices that would eventually create my downward spiral towards depression and helplessness. She was different now. Even more ruthless than she had been before. Harder on us all, not bothering to keep up a kind front. I could sense the same bitter emotion that had preempted the destruction of so many enemies, and even more allies. The same emotion that meant certain destruction for us all.

Desperate to avoid the end of this second chance I had been given, I began to work even harder. I trained almost constantly, stopping only to tend to Maria, to fight, or to feed. I gained only one sound ally, another older newborn, Peter. He was very well trained and very reliable. Yet there was something different about him. He didn't have the sense of self righteousness that most of the others had gained, increased, and retained over the many years we had fought. He had, I later realized, brought some of his moral values into our world of darkness and disregard.

I worked through the newborns, destroying those that I deemed unfit for the fight. Among those I had chosen to destroy was a woman named Charlotte. She had strange emotions, different from those I knew. Peter stepped in to save her from destruction, took her away with him. It wasn't until after he was gone that I realized what Charlotte's strange emotions were. Passion, love, and the ability to care. Charlotte and Peter had formed a bond, one of actual caring and love for one another. I had never thought it possible.

Maria was never quite as tolerant to me as she had once been. To her, letting Peter and Charlotte go was weakness on my part, and weakness could not be tolerated by her. I began to sink into myself, horrified at what I was, yet unable to stop, for fear of destruction. I knew, that even if I was able to destroy Maria, I would not be able to save myself. Thus I entered my ever-turning downward spiral into the deepest depression I had ever experienced.

5 years later - Peter's Return

"Jasper?" Her sultry, intoxicating voice didn't fool me for an instant. She was enraged, and I could tell that even I would have trouble placating her.

"Yes, Maria?" I responded, not bothering to force any false emotion into my voice.

She turned the corner and stopped a few feet from where I stood speaking to one of the most recent additions to our army. The newborn was entirely incoherent to me, but if Maria wanted me to explain it's situation, I would.

Maria's crimson eyes flashed with anger as she spoke, "You disappoint me." She hissed, pulling me away from the still babbling girl on the ground. I did not bother to resist her.

"What have I done to anger you? I have simply complied with your orders." I replied as she dragged me along.

She laughed. It was a cold, merciless sound. "No. You haven't. I asked you to kindly explain to the newborns their situation. That was four days ago. You say you have complied with my orders. Why then, is half of my army uninformed?"

Her voice had risen to a shout by the end, and I shrank back a few steps from her fury. It took everything for me to keep my voice level and calm.

"I have been doing my best, Maria, but the army has more than doubled. It is completely impossible to speak to more than five of them at a time, because if I try, they all begin to fight amongst themselves over what i say. It is taking me longer than I had anticipated, but i assure you, I will finish this task by tomorrow."

She took a step backwards, but her emotions let me know that she was still unhappy.

" You'd better. Every moment we waste is another city we lose. Work harder. I shall come back to view your progress in the morning." She spun on her heel and stalked away from me. I sighed, striding back towards the newborn I had been talking to.

She wasn't there.

Senses immediately on alert, I began to turn around. I wasn't quick enough. Before I was even fully turned, a hand was clapped over my mouth. Another arm wrapped around my chest and pulled me backwards into the shadows. Knowing that, if it was a newborn, it could probably do me a serious injury, I chose not to fight back immediately. I waited tensely until the arms surrounding me relaxed, then swung around as fast as I could, smashing my hand into my captors head. He stumbled back, but regained ground quickly.

"I never could beat you." The man said quietly, rubbing the side of his head.

I paused, staring at my attacker in shock.

"Peter?" I gaped, completely taken aback. He gave me a small smile, but that faded almost instantly.

"Jasper, I don't have much time. Maria could return at any moment, and the last thing I need is to be found." He stated quickly, moving slightly closer to me, expression still guarded, "When Charlotte and I left you five years ago, we went north. There we found more possibilities than we'd ever imagined. Jasper, please, come back with us. You can leave the fighting, leave the destruction. You need never train another newborn. You can come with Charlotte and I, Jasper. You can get away! Please, you must believe that there is a better way of existence out there waiting for you!" He said all this in one breath, then paused to see what i had to say.

I knew he was being truthful.

I stepped towards him. He moved back. I held up my hands, more than willing to give up and follow my former friend.

"Show me."

We traveled for years, free of the oppression and carnage that we had known with Maria. Yet something still felt wrong. I couldn't quite place it, but I was unhappy with this new way of existence. It was less violent than my previous lifestyle, yet it still wasn't enough. My depression worsened, descending farther still into a sea of darkness, a sea of helplessness. Peter and Charlotte did their best to keep me together, but they were struggling. I'd heard them arguing more than once over whether to stay with me or simply let me fend for myself. Charlotte wasn't as open to the idea of staying with me. She felt that I was a burden to her, hurting her relationship with Peter.

I didn't blame her.

After a final goodbye, I once again departed from my lifestyle in search of a better one. I didn't know what i would find, if anything, but something pulled me forward towards the one good thing that would turn the tables of my existence for the better.

**Me: Yay!! Review please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Me: Okay, sorry for the wait for this chapter but she did send it to be a while ago and I was just too lazy to post. Enjoy anyway!!  
**

Chapter 2 -1948

I wandered the country continuously for several years, unemotional and insensitive to everything but the feelings of depression developing in my ever-deteriorating frame of mind.

I was out of hope.

I continued to use humans as my food source. What other choice did I have? There was no alternative. I was forced to exist in the never ending world, timeless and terrible, with no chance of escape.

I was a monster. The emotions around me didn't help. They ranged from incense to calming, from grief to exuberance. They confused me, leaving me in more of a muddled, senseless state than before. I had no control over my life, much less my thirst. I was hopeless. I knew that I would never be happy again, much less healthy.

So I stopped trying.

I gave in every time the thirst came over me, furious with myself, yet helpless. I had nothing left.

Then, fate intervened, and for the first time, gave me a good hand in the game.

It was raining, and I was cursing myself for coming to Philadelphia. The streets were emptied of citizens, thank goodness, all gone home to avoid the storm. I had not fed in days, maybe a week. I knew I would attract more attention staying out in the rain, so, against my will, i walked towards a local diner. I was glad that it was cloudy. I never would have been able to walk down the street during the day otherwise. I hesitantly pushed open the door and entered the room.

Almost immediately I realized that I had been foolish. Her scent hit me the moment I stepped through the door.

There was another vampire in the diner.

I took a step backwards, ready to run as I looked around to find her. I saw a movement at the counter, and knew that it was her. She slid gracefully from the stool she had been perched upon, and as I watched, she walked towards me. My mood shifted to confusion. This vampire was so...tiny! It was absurd that I should fear her, but I had no other explanation for her actions. The strangest thing was...I didn't want to fight her.

As she came towards me, I realized something stranger yet. She did not want to fight me either. Far from it. Her emotions were unknown to me, but they were intoxicatingly pleasant, and I couldn't bring myself to leave. She danced over and stood not a foot from me, gazing up into my eyes. I noticed in shock that her eyes were not the blood red colour that mine were after so many years, but they were golden. They were beautiful golden eyes. Another wave of shock hit me as she spoke, her voice so smooth I was sure she was an angel.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." She said. I could feel the excitement mixed in with her unknown emotions. I smiled down at her.

"I'm sorry ma'am." I replied, tipping my hat to her, as I would have done for any woman. She smiled back, and reached out her hand to me. I took it. She pulled me out of the diner and into the rain. Then we began to run. We ran for miles without stopping, until we reached a small field on the outskirts of a town in what I believed to be West Virginia. There we sat, a few feet apart from each other. Neither of us spoke for a time, until at last, the questions that had been forming in my mind forced their way to my mouth.

"Pardon me for being so frank, but...who are you!?" I exclaimed, frustrated that I was unable to be any politer to this incredibly fragile looking creature. My impolite manner did not seem to bother her, however, as she moved slightly closer to me, smiling, and responded with her angelic voice.

"My name is Alice. " She said simply, " I've been waiting for you for years."

Again, there was that unexplained emotion. Her answer created yet another question from me. "Then...how did you know about me? I've never met you before, never heard that anyone was searching for me...why would you wait for someone...someone like me?"

Suddenly, I wondered what she really knew about me. How much had she learned? Did she know what a monster I was? How could this beautiful, caring creature stand to be near me?

"Jasper," Her voice brought me out of my frantic thoughts, "Jasper, please. You have a talent, correct?" I managed a nod. She smiled again, and the unknown emotion grew stronger.

"Good. Well, Jasper, I have a talent as well. I am...well...psychic is the best word for it I suppose. I see the future. Many years ago, I saw you in a vision, and I knew that I had to meet you. I had visions of you and I together, and then..." She paused. I felt uncertainty for the first time from her.

"Continue...please." I said quietly. I wanted to hear her angel voice again.

She sighed. "I have seen us joining a...family. A coven, if that makes more sense. You and I, together."

I stared at her in shock as the pieces fell into place. Love. That was the unknown emotion. No one had ever truly cared for me until now. I felt a sudden rush of affection for her, for Alice. No, I corrected myself, for my Alice. She wanted to be with me, and I had never felt so sure of anything in my existence. I wanted to stay with her, to protect her. To learn. I moved closer to her, taking her small, slender hand into mine.

"Alice...I will go with you. I will stay with you forever and eternity, for as long as you wish to be with me."

Later on - Alice Explains

We traveled awhile, until we came upon an abandoned cabin where we could stay. We entered the small room, hand in hand, and Alice took a seat on the rug in the center of the floor. I sat next beside her.

"Now, what do I need to know? What can you tell me?" I asked, eager to understand her. She smiled.

"Well...I guess I should get the hardest part over with first. I assume you've noticed my eyes."

I nodded, my curiosity returning.

"Yes. They're a lovely colour, you know."

She bowed her head slightly, and I realized how much she had liked the compliment.

"Well," She continued, " The reason my eyes are gold is simple. I do not drink from humans." She continued, watching for my reaction.

My jaw dropped. I realized how stupid I must look, and shut my mouth. However, I could not tear my eyes from Alice, and I continued to gaze at her in wonder. She giggled at my bewildered expressions.

"I was waiting for that. I know it sounds completely insane, but it's true. That is how the family feeds as well. They use animals. Carlisle--he's the leader--he has existed that way for hundreds of years. I started years ago, and now I think you should. It makes it slightly more easy to be around people, to fit into society. Will you try, Jasper?"

Her enthusiasm was catching, I found myself grinning down at her.

"Of course I will, Alice. Anything for you. Though..." I paused, not wanting to discourage her. She, however, was even more perceptive than I had given her credit for.

"What is it?" She inquired as she noticed my hesitation, "What's wrong?"

I sighed. "I--I'm sure you know about my past, Alice, or some of it at least, but I'm not sure I can meet your expectations of me. You seem so calm about feeding from animals, so practiced! I don't know if I can ever be that controlled, if you will. After all those years of murder, all that hurt..." I let my voice trail off and glanced over at her.

Instead of the fear and anger that I had expected from her, there was an overwhelming sense of sympathy.

Hesitantly, she reached over and encircled me with her slender arms. I let her. I didn't want to move for fear of hurting her in some way or another. When she spoke, her voice was calm.

"Jasper...personally, I don't give a damn what you've done in the past. I'm sure you had a hard time with everything you've been through, and sometime I'd love to hear it from your point of view. However, in this situation, I don't think it matters. It may be harder for you, I'm not sure yet. But you will be able to resist, I will make sure of that."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her.

"I believe you, Alice. I just...don't want to hurt you, or disappoint you, or--"

"Jasper!" She cut me off, placing her hands on either side of my head. I looked into her beautiful, trusting golden eyes and saw the sincerity as she spoke.

"Jasper...as long as you try, you'll never hurt me. As long as you try, I'll be happy."

She was so caring! I didn't deserve such an angel, yet I would never think of giving her up.

"You said before that you'd like to hear my story, but...don't you know it all? Also, what is your story, Alice?" I inquired, pulling her closer still, There was a slight pang of sadness from her, and I immediately felt guilty for making her feel that way.

"I'm so sorry. What did I say that bothered you?"

She sighed, but she was glad to get this over with, I cold tell.

"I have no story." She replied simply, "Or, in other words, you are my story."

"But," I protested naively, "Surely--your family?"

She shrugged.

"I remember nothing. Not one bit of my human life. I woke up outside of an Asylum near Biloxi, Mississippi. I don't know who created me, much less who was my family. Luckily, I had an identifying wrist band, and knew my name. Mary-Alice Brandon. I decided that Alice fit me better, so that's the name I use. Finding you was the first thing I ever set out to do."

I gazed at her, shocked. "How long did you search?"

She smiled. "Twenty-eight years."

I sucked in a very unnecessary breath, arms instinctively tightening around her. She didn't fight, but simply allowed me to pull her tiny form into my lap.

"Twenty-eight YEARS!" I exclaimed, completely incredulous. She nodded.

"You were the only thing I knew of."

Overcome with the thought of her persistence, of her compassion, all for me, I kissed her forehead. She leaned into me, and I knew that I couldn't move, even if I'd wanted to.

"Alice." I said, kissing her again, "You have no idea how glad I am that you chose to find me. You are my savior, Alice. My angel." And with that, I sent out a wave of gratitude. Alice gasped at the sudden change in emotion, looked up at me in wonder, then curled up again, content to sit with me. She only had one more question.

"Your story?"

"Tomorrow." I promised, knowing then would be a better time.

"Tomorrow." She agreed.

**Me: Please scroll down the page and hit that "Submit Review" button!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Me: Yes. I finally got another chapter. Please review.**

Chapter 3 - Jasper's turn

Neither one of us moved or talked until the sun poked its head over the horizon. Then, Alice turned to face me. Her angelic voice broke the solid silence, sending happiness dancing into every corner and crevice inside the old cabin.

"Can I hear your story now, Please? Up until 1920 at least?"

"Of course. I promised, Alice. Oh...but...if something I say is to frighten you, please tell me what part of the story it was. And ask questions, if you have them." I replied, launching myself into the story of my past.

"I was born in the south, I grew up on a farm there with my family. It was an average lifestyle then. At the age of seventeen, I joined the Confederate Army. I registered as a twenty year old, and I was tall enough to get away with it.

One night, three yeas later, when I had actually reached the age of twenty, I stopped to offer aid to three of the most beautiful women I had ever encountered. They were all pale skinned, though one was obviously Hispanic." I paused, and Alice interrupted.

"What were their names?"

I sighed and continued. "Nettie, Lucy, and the third," I shuddered, remembering, "Maria. She was my creator."

Alice's arms tightened around me, offering comfort, yet urging me to continue.

"I was a newborn, part of an army that took cities overnight. An army that left no survivors. Later on, however, I proved that I was stronger than the others. I learned and was charged with training the younger ones. I had only one friend. His name was Peter, and ultimately, he would be the one that got me away from all of that. I was destroying the...less worthy newborns, if you will. Peter was assisting me, but when it came time to destroy one of the female newborns, Charlotte, he reacted with anger, yelling for her to run. He followed her, and I let them go. Maria was angry with me for that, but five years later, I was glad that I had let them go. Peter came back, he got me out. I traveled with them for years, but later left them and--"

"You started searching for something better. That was me. I don't mean to sound full of myself, but I knew it was me before you knew it yourself." Alice cut me off.

"Good. That does explain it. I take it you understand now, correct?"

She nodded.

I stared at her, waiting.

She gave me a quizzical glance.

"What? What is it?"

"I just...I keep waiting for you to be angry with me, or disappointed that I'm not any better than this. I just can't bring myself to believe that you would care for me. That you could stand to be with me, perfect as you are. Yet--you show none of that emotion. You don't want to leave me."

She took my hand in her two smaller ones, running her fingers over my palm.

"That's because I love you, silly. I wouldn't leave the only one who's talked to me like this in half a century!"

Her delicate fingers moved from my hand to my wrist, and I pulled back slightly.

She froze.

"What--" She pulled my arm back towards her.

"Alice...you might not want to know about--"

"Shh!" she hissed, moving her hand slightly higher. I felt her fingers brush over the first scar. Her eyes widened as she felt the raised crescent mark. Lightly, she moved her hand up my arm, rolling my coat sleeve up as she went. I closed my eyes, waiting for her questions.

There was only silence.

Suddenly, it hit me.

The horror came first, striking me with such a heavy impact that I shuddered. My eyes snapped open as Alice pulled back, covering her mouth with both hands. Her beautiful features were frozen with such a heartbreaking expression that I felt hurt for making her like this. Instinctively, I reached out to comfort her, though I knew it was me she was afraid of.

I pulled her hands into mine. They were trembling. I began sending waves of calmness and comfort through her, and as her tense form relaxed, I pulled her into my arms once more. She turned her head to my chest and clung to me, both hands wrapped within my shirt.

Then, her emotions changed again. She was now confused, angry, and hurt. It wasn't pleasant.

"Alice...Alice, please...please don't be like this. I'm sorry I scared you. Maybe you should leave me after all." I said, blaming myself for her pain.

She raised her head to look me in the eye.

"What do you--oh! I'm so sorry, Jasper! No, don't go. I'm so...I'm not afraid of you!" She replied, still shaken.

"Then what...what made you feel so...terrified?" I questioned, completely lost.

"The fact that...that someone would ever do that to you! That they would hurt you...oh Jasper, I wish I could have stopped them." She replied, clinging even tighter to me.

I was shocked.

"You mean...you're scared of them?"

"No, no...I mean...I mean...I'm scared that something could have happened to you. That I might have never met you if something had gone wrong! Jasper...I wouldn't be here if you hadn't made it through all of that. Please, promise that you'll stay safe for me, that you'll never be hurt!"

The feeling I had for this creature could never be described. It was completely impossible. I was overwhelmed.

"Yes, Alice. I promise. For you."

Later - Hunting

"Jasper?" She inquired.

"Mmm?" I responded, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"It's time for a lesson."

"What kind of lesson? You mean--Oh!"

She nodded.

"Yes. I need to teach you how to get animals. Come. let me show you."

She took my hand and pulled me to my feet as she rose. I followed her out of the cabin, and she started running towards the woods. I ran beside her. When we were about a mile into the trees, she stopped. I froze beside her, and she turned to me.

"Now, Jasper, all you have to do is follow your instincts. When you find an animal that seems...appetizing, stalk it until it can be captured. It'll be easy, you'll see."

I paused.

"But--what if I hurt you by mistake?"

She rolled her eyes at me.

"You wont. Now watch."

Alice walked twenty steps from me, then froze, standing completely motionless. Seconds later, I smelled something. I turned my head, and there, a few feet in front of Alice, was a male deer.

Alice tensed, and I watched her intently. She smiled.

Springing into the air, Alice flipped herself over the deer, connecting with it's neck for a short second before bringing it down. It's neck was broken, but she had been so quick that there had been no pain. I said a silent thank you for that. She inclined her head and drank. After a moment, she got up, and jogged over to me.

"There. That didn't look so hard, did it now?"

"No...no it didn't. It looked...graceful." I replied, awed at her speed and agility, though i assumed they could be matched by my own skill.

She grinned, flashing her glistening teeth.

"You try it then."

I stepped forward, slightly farther than Alice had, and then froze. I breathed evenly, testing the air for the scent of animals.

A few moments later, I heard a twig snap to my left. I turned my head to see yet another deer. I could hear it's heartbeat, could smell it's blood.

I tensed, ready to spring.

The next thing I knew, I was bringing down the deer, drinking it dry. When I looked up, Alice was beside me.

"You did it." She said simply.

"I...I did, didn't I. I can exist this way. It's possible, isn't it!" I replied, standing up and taking her hand.

She gazed up at me, joyous.

"That, Jasper, is what I've been telling you all along."


End file.
